You know how 99 times out of 100, the book is always better than the movie?
And you know how every time you face disappointment when you have high hopes for the film adaptation and it sucks?
This time, the movie hasn’t even begun FILMING yet, and I am already incredibly let down.
Firstly, I’m disappointed because I had planned on writing the screenplay and my friend Emily (shout-out!) was going to direct it. Now, we’re forced to re-plan our lives because someone beat us to the punchline??
If you’re reading this and you’ve never read (or heard of) the Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovich, I suggest you peel your eyes away from your screen and dart to the nearest Borders. I read the entire series (“One for the Money” through “Finger Lickin’ Fifteen”) this past summer. Within a span of, like, three weeks.
Once you start the first one, there’s no way you can put it down. The series follows Stephanie Plum, a spunky woman from New Jersey who gets laid off from her job as a lingerie buyer. After selling most of her possessions to help pay her rent, Stephanie turns to her cousin Vinnie, owner of Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, for a job as a bounty hunter. There are some saucy love triangles, a crazy grandmother and a plus-sized hooker named Lula. Interesting much?
Anyways, my friend and I had made it our life goal to bring this book series to the big screen in order to avoid the crippling disappointment when someone else did so and screwed it up.
Unfortunately, someone decided to do just that by casting Katherine Heigl as Stephanie Plum. Anyone who has read the series can tell you that Heigl is not AT ALL right for this role. Her past film credits include “Knocked Up” and “The Ugly Truth,” both of which, well, sucked. In my (biased) opinion, Sandra Bullock would have been perfect for the role. In fact, I just Googled “Stephanie Plum,” and Sandy’s smiling face popped right up. Give the people what they want!
While the film doesn’t have a director yet, it’s screenwriters are Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith. Both women co-wrote “Legally Blonde,” “10 Things I Hate About You” and “The Ugly Truth.” The fact that I am being beaten by these, clearly, Oscar worthy screenplays is killing me inside.
As if it’s not bad enough that TriStar claimed rights to the film when I was a mere four years old, now that they’re FINALLY getting around to making it, it’s being miscast.
All I can say at this point is Betty White better play Grandma Mazur or else…