Oscar Sunday 2012: My predictions

As an avid film writer, I feel it is my civic duty to announce my predictions before the Academy Awards air this evening. I’ll get right to it…

Best Picture

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Snore shouldn’t even be in the running in this category, so we can nix that one right away. I predict The Artist will get nudged out by a miniscule amount, which will surely cause an uproar.

Projected winner: The Help

Actor in a Leading Role

While I would give my right arm to see Gary Oldman take home the title, I think we all know it’s unfortunately not going to happen.

Projected winner: Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Actress in a Leading Role

In a perfect world, my lady crush Michelle Williams would take home the Oscar, but sadly we don’t live in a perfect world. I predict Meryl will be going home a loser tonight as well, which only happens… well, hardly ever.

Projected winner: Viola Davis, The Help

Actor in a Supporting Role

If at any point in time tonight Jonah Hill is standing on a stage in front of a microphone holding a tiny statue that looks like a naked man, I will lose my shit.

Projected winner: Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Actress in a Supporting Role

I’m no math whiz, but seeing as how two women from The Help are nominated in this category, the film has a good chance. However, I might be leaning toward Ms. Spencer.

Projected winner: Octavia Spencer, The Help

Animated Feature Film

Really, Kung Fu Panda 2? Am I reading this correctly?

Projected winner: Rango

Cinematography

I kind of want The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo to win every category it’s nominated for, but I’m not so sure that’ll happen here.

Projected winner: Hugo

Art Direction

As long as Harry Potter gets nothing this evening, I will be a happy camper.

Projected winner: Hugo

Costume Design

Same goes for W.E., the film written, directed and produced by Madonna. Yes, I said Madonna.

Projected winner: The Artist

Directing

Woody Allen and Marty Scorsese might be left in tears tonight.

Projected winner: Michael Hazanavicius, The Artist

Film Editing

We can’t let The Artist win everything, now, can we? (Seriously, it’s like people have never seen a black and white silent film before the year 2011).

Projected winner: Hugo

Music (Original Score)

Despite what I just said above…

Projected winner: The Artist

Music (Original Song)

Because how can a cartoon bird accept this award?

Projected winner: “Man or Muppet,” The Muppets

Sound Editing

BECAUSE THIS MOVIE DESERVED TO BE NOMINATED FOR BEST PICTURE, NOT EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY DUMB.

Projected winner: Drive

Sound Mixing

A movie from the Transformers franchise, are we serious?

Projected winner: Hugo, even though I’m the only person on the planet not interested in this movie

Visual Effects

Again, Transformers and Harry Potter are in this category. Gag me.

Projected winner: The Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

Sorry Clooney, not today.

Projected winner: Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash, The Descendants 

Writing (Original Screenplay)

Honestly, I think I’m one of few who doesn’t see how Bridesmaids is a huge step forward for women in film. Like, am I missing some part of that movie that had cinematic value or an air of substance? I really don’t see how Sookie from “Gilmore Girls” taking a dump in a sink is revolutionary for females in film. Rant over.

Projected winner: Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

On a final note, I trust Billy Crystal will do a better job serving as host than stoned James Franco and poor Anne Hathaway fared last year.

See who the winners are tonight, when the 84th Annual Academy Awards air on ABC, starting at 8:30 p.m.

Be sure to follow my Twitter tonight, where I’ll be sharing the winners and everything Oscars.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s